angela ([info]spiltmemory) wrote,
@ 2007-02-16 10:51:00
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Entry tags:meme

i like these things/these things scare me.

I would like for anyone reading this to leave an anonymous comment with whatever is on their mind right now.
Thoughts about themselves, about me, about life the universe and everything in between.
Whatever, however random...i am honestly interested in hearing your thoughts.


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(Anonymous)
2007-02-16 12:39 am UTC (link)
I just want to lie down and sleep forever. And about you, it annoys me the way your paragraphs are so long, because it makes it harder for me to read them.

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[info]mustmakeit
2007-02-16 12:43 am UTC (link)
I don't know why I keep thinking about him. I don't wanna be with him, but I want to know how he is going, and tell him stories like I used to, I know I could make him laugh and he would call me cute and all would be right.
I'm happy with my BF, VERY HAPPY. But I just want that old friendship back, I miss it a lot.

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(Anonymous)
2007-02-16 03:07 am UTC (link)
eugh i get myself into the stupidest situations. ooh look at me being empowered ...right, bullshit. look at me further complicating my life because im a fucking retard. and fat, of course. i feel like i am belittling the serious problems other people on my flist have if i talk about certain things in my journal and so i leave those entries private, because i dont have an eating disorder so im not allowed to think those thoughts or indulge in those behaviours (because thats exactly what it is, indulgance) and i feel so bad when i do shit like throw up half a sandwich or whatever cos its not like i have this all encompassing urge forcing me to do it, i just felt like it. im sorry :/

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[info]junglecandy
2007-02-16 03:28 am UTC (link)
Why on earth do they put easter eggs out on the shelves in February?
Do people seriously buy their chocolate eggs 2 months in advance?
Or do the shops just want to taunt me so I cant go into priceline and buy some bloody vitamins?

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(Anonymous)
2007-02-16 03:44 am UTC (link)
i wish you coudl see yourseld like i do.
i wish u could see how great u truly are.
i am very ashamed of myself at the moment for being so jealous of your weight and thinnes etc. and now im ashamed for saying that.
i wish there were ways i coudl help people in my situation only younger--people that are how i was when i first started all of this. but i cant. coz they think the same things i thought when people talked to me...
i am still in love with the person i have loved for almost 4 years. and they dont know. and i will never tell them.
everything is such as effort! it takes such effort for me to keep going thru these days. each day i have to find a reason not to try to kill myself. but this week i ahve special ppl coming, so ym plans must lay to rest until next week.
i hate people watching me when i eat. thinkinghow i ought to be at the gym working fat off instead of stuffing it in. who cares if its just mentos. dman it.
i have never felt so much hate for anyone in my life.
love u ange

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(Anonymous)
2007-02-16 04:35 am UTC (link)
my only burning desire, ever, is to lift people from sadness, from terrible lives they suffer. it is ironically..the only unattainable thing for me, really, because i think it's a natural skill- to communicate, to combat problems with good resolve & i was just born devoid of this.. entirely. i don't want to do anything else.

i thought i could help you. i thought i could help other girls, maybe. but it never works & i'm stuck. if i can't make your lives better, how can i for anybody else? someone suffering depression, suffering social disadvantage, suffering an illness, be it an e.d. or a cancer, how can i make them feel better, or fix them? by running off to my corner when they hate me for trying, or hate me for not succeeding, or hate me because i'm just horrible & so lonely, & i'll be old soon & exactly the same. i just want to be happy :(

there are just so many people i have to save from themselves.

also about the easter eggs, that shocked me the other day. much too early.

also i'm not who you think i am?

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[info]thegoldenvision
2007-02-16 06:17 pm UTC (link)
let me guess, it's cecilia? :P

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[info]spiltmemory
2007-02-17 02:42 am UTC (link)
my thoughts exactly =P.

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[info]insignifikunt
2007-02-16 05:32 am UTC (link)
I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat I'm too fat... That's original...

Why can't I just let it go... Let him go? He obviously doesn't have the faintest feeling for me at all, yet I think about him everyday. I barely even know him...

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[info]frobbitie
2007-02-16 09:16 am UTC (link)
i wonder if my dinner was really only worth 400cals or if andrew lied to me to make me eat more because he wants me to be fat, i wonder if he knows how hard im trying to lose weight and he's trying to sabotage it. i want to drink a whole bottle of ipecac but his mum is on 'purge duty' and i wont get away with it. Fucking cunts

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[info]x_gisele_x
2007-02-16 09:17 am UTC (link)
thought it was meant to be anonymous, but everyone else is doing it, so i will too (haha...sheep...BAAAAH)
things on my mind right now:
- i shouldn't have eaten those noodles.
- how im missing carlee. & school.
- the fact that im starting to see some chesty bonies. big whoop.
- what im going to wear tonight. and whether i have enough petty to get to henley beach!
- thinkin i should order dad to buy a set of accurate scales
- about you? hmm i saw your pictures in guessmyweight and you, my friend, are absolutely gorgeous.
love love.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2007-02-16 09:58 am UTC (link)
i think that you really love nick and i think that he really loves you....i hope so much that it works out for you two...

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(Anonymous)
2007-02-16 11:36 am UTC (link)
I'm confused. I don't know what this life thing's all about. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I feel like I get it wrong at every step. I hate how conflicting everything is. I wish we all had one joint consciousness so that everything just made sense. I want there to be a right and a wrong. I want there to be a good and a bad. I want everything to be clear cut. I want to be able to understand everything and not feel torn apart. I want the world to just make sense. I want everyone to be as happy as they ought to be. I want to be able to understand what I need to do to be 'normal'. I think I'm ready to be normal but I just don't know what it looks like. I wish you could be calm and at peace. Your turmoil makes me sad. I love you so much. I want you to just be happy and settled and secure. I want that for all of us.

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[info]themadhatter86
2007-02-16 02:40 pm UTC (link)
wow umm its not letting me be anonymous so I will just seem couragous and say outloud.

I am at fault for my own problems. If someone seems interested in me I make myself feel a need to feel interested in them if someone wants me to do something I feel I should want to do it. I am superficial.

To everyone a wise man says why should we leave for tomorrow what we could achieve today. This man was non other than the man that invented electricity. We lack the ability to push ourselves so often from fear and worry. Fear of being judged rejected failing fear of being laughed at. If we didn't care about this fear and just cared about our experiences in life we could find out a whole lot more a whole lot sooner.

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(Anonymous)
2007-02-16 04:24 pm UTC (link)
you'll know who this is cos you're a smart cookie, but i can deal with that ;)

i wish i could pretend you were attention seeking with the suicide and everything, but i can't, cos i know you're serious, and i know you're too smart for all of us... and i just hope you let me keep up with you so that i can save you... please don't outsmart me, not on this one.

i've avoided telling you that i couldn't live without you lately. the only reason is that i don't want to put more pressure on you to pretend everything is just okay... but please stay in my life, no matter what.

i think you think that i copy you like some other people used to? whilst i'd love to be like you (except i wouldn't want to endure the things you have had to) i'm not trying to be like you, and you're not triggering me. i just sort of see you as the person to ask on things i wonder about myself, and i'm sorry that i burden you with that.

i've been paranoid that you hate me. it's not your fault. it's all in my head but i need the feeling to go away... stupid brain. but... then, brain says that angela does hate me and wants me to know it... gah. anyway, tell me if you hate me and i'll leave you alone.

whenever i go to the shops i try to find things to buy you. but i'm so scared that you won't like it that i never can find anything (this is behaviour that happens whenever i try to buy for other people).

i love you.

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(Anonymous)
2007-02-16 07:31 pm UTC (link)
Sometimes when you're upset I dont know what to say to make you feel better, I dont want to offend you, I dont want to trivialise what you're going through because it ISNT trivial. Im scared to upset you and im annoyed with myself for not being able to find the words to say what i mean. I think you're one of the most caring people I've ever met, I hope one day you will be truly happy. I don't think I can be as good a friend to you as you are to me because of my own failings.
And on my mind right now - I just resisted a b/p, and somehow that makes me feel worse about myself than if I had done it
i love you ange xx

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(Anonymous)
2007-02-17 09:16 am UTC (link)
ive a feeling ive said something that offended you...i know im a completely paranoid person but ive a feeling i might be right about this one. i want you in my life but there are so many other great girls who seem to identify with you so much better than i can. i always feel like my comments to you are inadequete, no matter how much i want to cheer you up. story of my life, never quite good enough. you are great, and if one day you never hear from me again, know that i'll be thinking of you. you deserve to be happy. i truely mean it. love you

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[info]spiltmemory
2007-02-17 10:29 am UTC (link)
i dont know what you said. *doesn't know who this is, and if i didn't still probably wouldn't know*. i am very defencive. so if i appear to be offended usually its because i'm in "everyone's out to get me mode", or i'll generaly tell you, or realise i'm being irrational in which case its my problem and there's no need to say anything as i know i'm just being a shit. if i havn't said anything its because i'm not offended and your paranoid. =P, or i'm being stupid and dont even remember it.

as for the comment about all the great girls on my friends list, its so true. i have WOUNDERFUL people on my list. things like this i LOVE, but they scare me because i've gotten hurtful comments from them before, but more so, reading what people say annomously can be so sad, one of the main theme's in being a bad friend, and not knowing how to help, and feeling like a "bad friend" things along those lines. so please know that your not the only one who thinks that. and while i dont know who posted this comment, i guess the thing is that i dont see ANYONE on my list as bad friends or bad people.

i guess another thing to point out is.... i dont like saying this... is that, i am ill. i'm not well, so not alot can really "help me" in the way that i'm going to open my eyes and be fixed or even feel better. i've had profecional doctors, people who are trained in these area's say to me that there is nothing they can do for me, that THEY cant help. i guess wha i'm saying is that PLEASE dont feel that your coments have to be adiquate, there is no grading going on here =P, or that the arn't helpful, or that i dont apreachiate them, because i really do. dont feel badly about "not being able to help", because gosh i cant even put into words how much having this journal, and meeting people has helped me, its really opened my eyes to a lot of things, i'm coping so much better, and its because of YOU GIRLS. i get so much suport from all you beautiful people, i WISH i could give just a little back.

my main thing i want to say is. its so sad to think that i'm going to lose touch with people on here, i know it will happen, but i dont want it too. ever. i feel like the people on my journal are the best friends i could ever ask for. and i dont want to never hear from you again. because if you do love me, then most likely i love you too. oh gosh losing that wont feel good. so, please keep in contact? *hopes*

take care.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]__goldberry__
2007-02-17 10:04 am UTC (link)
I ate too much. My stomach hurts in a way that isn't normal. What are these sharp stabbing pains? AM I GOING TO GET MY PERIOD AGAIN? I DON'T NEED IT! I DON'T WANT IT! I hate recovery.

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[info]__goldberry__
2007-02-17 10:05 am UTC (link)
so much for being anonymous :/

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[info]spiltmemory
2007-02-17 12:45 pm UTC (link)
:P thats what i ALWAS do :P

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[info]spiltmemory
2007-02-17 12:49 pm UTC (link)
recovery cant be a whole lot of fun. but its going to be worth it in the end. i hope your stomach pains have gone away now hunny. i know how scary it is abot the period thing, talk to your treating doctors about it. i'm sure they will be able to make you feel a lot better about it than i can.
maybe you could go on the pill, and get a psydo period, that way.. i dont know, maybe thats less scary?

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Anonymous)
2007-02-18 06:07 am UTC (link)
Where do you go
That you come back with cobwebs on your ears?
I will pick glue off of a plastic envelope
And squish it about in these fingers
Which would feel far more comfortable
Between your thighs

Oh, how that girl looks like one I used to know
Who disappeared one pleasant evening of March
If those thoughts render you unsettled
Then perhaps you can begin to fathom
What knowledge of that mother fucker does to me

It is no wonder
She has glue on her fingers
And legs like the back of a tiger

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(Anonymous)
2007-02-18 03:34 pm UTC (link)
POOOOOOP

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-20 11:57 am UTC (link)
Out of every friendship I have ruined, I miss ruining ours the most.

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[info]spiltmemory
2007-03-20 12:32 pm UTC (link)
who is this?

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-20 01:59 pm UTC (link)
Too self ashamed to say my name, but I am guessing that you can figure it out by the 'password' of how many calories are in a chubba chub...

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[info]spiltmemory
2007-03-20 03:17 pm UTC (link)
50. and i know your name isn't angela.

everytime i listen to pollygraph right now, i think of you. what your up to where you've been. how everything in your world is going. i hope your ok, and that everything is looking up in your world. i hope that your getting the help you need and deserve, and that your friends and family are looking out for you.

i was feeling so hurt, and dejected. and i had to look out for myself. i had to let you do your own thing, and figure things out for yoursef with out me on your back. i wasn't helping you, only hurting us both by letting things go the way they were.

i'm not mad anymore. i only want the best for you. as far as i'm concerned no bridges have been burned. i still care. i always will. love doesn't just disapear, and i loved you, i was never lying about that. thats the reason it hurt so much, and i got so angry.

i dont know what else to say.

♥

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[info]skinnyminny08
2007-04-11 06:50 am UTC (link)
im sure your not interested with whats on my mind darling.
its next to nothing!
cyber friends??

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[info]spiltmemory
2007-04-11 07:45 am UTC (link)
that should be fine =). your journal was created yesterday, did you have a different account name, how did you find this journal? =)

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(Anonymous)
2007-05-12 04:07 pm UTC (link)
I'm sorry things ended up the way that they did between us. I did'nt do what you claim I did. But I did act badly. I only remember the good times we had. I hope you're doing well and you find what your looking for.

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[info]spiltmemory
2007-05-12 04:08 pm UTC (link)
ohhh get farked.

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